Why More Men Are Choosing To Stay Single
In recent years, there has been a noticeable uptick in the number of men who are choosing to hold on to their singlehood like a man overboard clings to a life ring. A recent study found that 63% of men under 30 are single and 28% of men over 50 are choosing to be single. This societal trend isn’t about cold feet but fueled by various factors that are changing the way we view modern relationships. We will take a deep dive into the top five motivations for men choosing to remain single, buckle up, this one is sure to get bumpy!
1. The Rising Need For Men To Craft Their Image
The modern era has seen a surge in the value men placed on individualism and self growth. Men are increasingly prioritizing personal development over societal expectations. The allure of crafting a unique identity and pursuing personal goals without compromise has become a strong pull towards bachelor life. Men are tuned into social media like an air traffic controller. They are watching rugged males summit mountains, drive exotic cars, wear expensive clothing and travel to far away places. More and more men want to be ‘The Man’, but first must figure out what that means to them. Their first conclusion is that it probably doesn’t include going to baby showers with your fiancé.
A young man’s journey to create his image often requires a level of flexibility and freedom that a committed relationship might hinder. You probably won’t be able to rent that summer beach house with your mates. Taking two weeks off work to hike Machu Picchu or sail down the coast of Baja is much more difficult when you have to plan Easter brunch with the in-laws.
More and more young men want to create a cool image of themselves, which is awesome! But in order to do that, men need experiences to shape their persona. Humping it down the freeway to sit at a desk and go to farmer’s markets on the weekends is just not that exciting to a 28yr old man who just read The Alchemist.
2. The Financial Freedom and Benefits of Single Living
Economic considerations also play a significant role in why men choose to remain single. Financial independence is the ultimate prize for most men. Singlehood is often regarded as a direct path to achieving it. The ability to manage one’s own finances without the added burden of a partner’s needs or or “planning”, is a hell of a lot quicker path to financial security and independence. Not to mention that you will probably be driving a Prius if you are under 30 and married, while your single guy friends are driving a new Ford Bronco.
The cost of living has also influenced this trend. With rising housing prices and the expense of raising children, the economic benefits of single living become even more attractive. The freedom to spend your hard earned money however you like, without asking for permission is a compelling reason for men to stay single.
Furthermore, the gig economy and the rise of remote work have created new possibilities for income generation that align well with a single lifestyle. Men are taking advantage of these opportunities to build a lifestyle that prioritizes financial freedom and adventure. Look no further than the thousands of Lead Gen Experts that have recently become a massive mosquito swarm in the business sector. Every Millennial and GenZ is a lead gen expert, which is laughable based on their lack of sales and business experience, but what they craved was the one man laptop company. Complete autonomy.
3. Flexibility in Daily Life
Flexibility in daily life is another key factor driving men towards singlehood. The freedom to make spontaneous decisions without considering a partner’s schedule or preferences is highly appealing. This freedom extends to all areas of life, from choosing to attend a last-minute trip to Jazz Fest or taking that shot of tequila at 11pm on a Thursday night and seeing what lies ahead. Sometimes absolute freedom to a man is making knowingly bad decisions … and not caring about the consequences.
The value of flexibility is also cherished in the smaller things in our daily lives. The ability to structure one’s day, manage time, and pursue hobbies without negotiation is a luxury that all men crave. It allows for a personally tailored lifestyle that is guaranteed to be rewarding and will resonate within the persona of the man. Single men can place fitness, music or travel at the highest priority in their life and when their career gets in the way of those priorities they can simply quit their job if they desire.
Moreover, the absence of relational obligations simply frees up time in a man’s life. He doesn’t have to attend any weddings, birthday parties or dinner parties on a Monday night if he doesn’t feel like it. That is another luxury all men crave. Without the need to navigate the sensitivity of a partner’s feelings, men can focus on their own emotional well-being and personal growth by doing whatever the hell they want. This self-focused approach to one’s life leads to a happier and healthier life for many.
4. The Impact of Technology on Committed Relationships
Let’s face it its easy for young people to meet in this modern era of social media. Back in the proverbial day I lived with 3 roommates who shared a land line. If a young lady called you back and you weren’t home, your roommate picks up the phone and is now talking to her. Talk about an uphill battle. That may be the biggest reason people in the 80s and 90s got married so young. They felt it was too risky to keep shopping and worried about regretting the one that got away.
Technology has revolutionized the way we connect with others, and its impact on traditional relationships is massive. Online dating, social media, and instant communication have created a landscape where relationships can be formed and maintained digitally, reducing the urgency to be in a committed relationship.
Furthermore, the transient nature of online interactions allows for a level of control and emotional distance that some men find preferable. The ability to curate and manage the intensity and pace of relationships appeals to men who value their independence. They can set up a trickle relationship and tip toe very slowly into commitment to see if it’s something they like.
5. We are a Product of Our Upbringing: Divorce
Last but certainly not least, many young men grew up with divorced parents. A recent report suggests that 50% of all children in the United States will witness their parents divorce. That means 50% Americans have first hand knowledge that marriage does not work, at least from their eyes. I am a proud graduate of that camp and have said many times that I may not ever get married, but I’m certainly not getting a divorce.
Marriage is an old paradigm created for many reasons that are now obsolete. Back in the day women needed social status and men needed a wife to mind the nest and take care of the kids. Marriage was the solution. Women weren’t allowed to vote until 130 years after men voted in the first United States election. If that statistic is too old for you, try this one: woman weren’t allowed to have a credit card until 1974! This was roughly the same time as Roe vs. Wade to give you some perspective on how ridiculous American views were back then.
Making your relationship legal puts too much pressure on both parties. There is nothing wrong with having a long term partnership and keeping your commitment personal between you and your partner. There is no longer a need to tell the government what you are doing in the bedroom. Furthermore if you know you’re partner can bounce easily, then you have to be nice. You have to be honest. You have to be on your toes, because nobody is stuck in a binding contract.
This flexibility and agility is one of the biggest reasons why men are not getting married. It all sounds quite silly when you think about a wedding in a church. The groom’s family is on one side of the church and the bride’s family is on the other side of the church. I thought marriage is about a unity? What’s with the split seating plan? Why are we in a church? ?
Summary
If you want to have kids then it’s probably helpful to have a contract between the parents. That contract is the marriage that stipulates you will not screw up your kids before their lives begin. Unfortunately it doesn’t always work that way … 50% of the time, any way. ?
The increase of singlehood among men has implications that extend beyond personal choice. Society must adapt to accommodate the single population, ensuring that they have access to the resources like housing and healthcare that were traditionally reserved for married couples. As more men choose to remain single, there is a growing need for policies that support diverse lifestyles and non-family structures.
t challenges us to consider a future where these concepts are not bound by marital status but are instead understood as fluid and diverse. As men navigate the waters of singlehood, dating and relationships are also changing. There’s a growing acceptance of non-traditional relationship structures, such as non-monogamy, long-distance relationships, and partnerships that do not require cohabitation.
Men now have the ability to craft their lifestyle as they see fit. More importantly it’s becoming acceptable to change one’s lifestyle when things become …. well, boring. Everyone should have two or three lives if they desire. Hell, I am on my fifth or sixth life and loved every one of them!
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