“Do not be denied your Royale With Cheese”

There is an epidemic in America on the rise and we’re not referring to Ebola. More and more Americans are falling prey to divorce. That same old statistic that half of all marriages fail is still being trotted out by “news” sources today.  We tend to think it’s higher.  Statistics also say that the word Facebook is used in over one third of divorces – we’re thinking that should be higher too.  Porn is cited as a factor in over 50% of divorces. Those must be catholic marriages.  We would like to know how many people say porn is keeping their marriage together?

Those statistics are about as reliable as Nielsen ratings, so let’s get down to the meat of this article.  Marriage is wonderful, it truly is and that is why most people on this planet think about it daily and pursue it for decades.  If you are one of the lucky ones that found your soulmate then, (Congratulations!) the rest is gravy.  No more running around with your single friends at shitty bars, having shitty conversations with people you wouldn’t normally associate with – You Win!  Marriage is awesome, (period).

But successful marriages are very hard to find, those (lame) statistics support this.  Hell, look around; your friends support this notion.  Of the 50% of marriages that do not fail, how many of those couples are happy and how many are going through the motions afraid to admit failure and put the car in reverse?  It’s hard, the whole premise of marriage is really hard.  You have this huge party, invite all your friends, turn up the microscope on yourself and say – Look at Me, I Have a New Boyfriend, then give your father the bill.  Let’s not forget all the friends you forced to give you presents and money.  It is absolutely brave and a strong exercise in humility to file for divorce and look all those people in the eye that you made leave the country for your “party” and say – Oops! Sawwwrry.

Again, if you found your soulmate, you are extremely fortunate.  But as someone who grew up with divorced parents, and someone who’s dated divorced women, I can say there are many good things about divorce.  So let’s paint the positive side of divorce for a change and ignore those faceless statistics from Puffington Boast.  Here are some cold truths.

The Good Things About Divorce

  • Raising Boy Scouts – If you have children they will most likely become better prepared for life at an earlier age by living with a single parent who works.  They will need to start cooking, doing laundry, cutting the grass at a much earlier age.  No more dual income and maid/nanny to provide for them after school. They must contribute to the household.  When they graduate high school they will have a leg up on kids their age in this respect.


  • Being True – Many people are just going through the motions with their marriage, having sex once a month and looking into the mirror with gray eyes.  Life only goes around once, divorce allows you to rip the Band-Aid off quickly; take the pain, then start living on your terms.  Choosing a partner to be with for the rest of your life is near impossible.  If you had 5-6 good years with a partner then that is a success and should be viewed as such.  People need to stop living their lives according to a book written over 3000 years ago when every animal on the planet was put into a boat and Jonah walked out of a whale’s vagina after three days.  Do not be denied your Royale With Cheese!
  • Divorce Dating – If you are dating a divorced person with kids, you will likely only see them two weekends a month as they alternate weekends with their children.  For many people this is OK.  For many people this is ideal!  Like Johnny Cash says – “How can I miss you if you don’t ever leave?”.  Living on top of each other will start to annoy even the most complimentary and time tested couples.  A little separation is good for everyone.
  • Double Dipping – If you have children, they will likely get two birthday celebrations or two Christmas holidays.  What child doesn’t want to go on a field trip after destroying his living room Christmas morning to do it all over again at Dad or Grandma’s house?
  • New Influences – While this may not be the norm, it’s certainly the goal.  After a divorce it’s inevitable that Mom or Dad will meet someone new.  Hopefully this is someone who respects and supports your relationship with your kids as their parent.  Hopefully they do their best to be a role model in that respect.  When this happens your children have another good influence in their life.  We all learn and become better persons when good people surround us, regardless of age.


  • Mom & Dad Become Cool – When you are a family, you drive family cars.  After a divorce you no longer need to fit 4 people comfortably in your car.  You are free to buy that Harley Davidson or Mustang GT.  My father drove me to Little League on his Harley Davidson (Sportster 1000), and Mom picked me up in her white Toyota Celica sports car… and boy did I feel cool! (Umm Celica, yeah – it was the 80s!).

Those are just some of the good things that happen in a divorce. Again, in no way are we advocating divorce and certainly not marriage.  We salute all the happy couples out there – Bravo!  We also want to shine a proper light on divorce, more often than not it’s a good thing and should be viewed that way.  So the next time someone tells you they are getting a divorce with that long face, say – Congratulations!

OK we’re putting on our helmets, let the mortar rounds commence.

Thanks for Reading!

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