Why Are Men’s Casual Shorts So Lame?
“Style begins with clothing and ends with personality … and footwear.”
It has been awhile since we’ve done a clothing or style article and it’s time we gave you some fodder to become that summer horse that makes all the fillies tingle. Style begins with clothing and ends with personality and footwear. Being that it’s summer we need to teach our young colts how to make a cool pair of men’s summer shorts.
The men’s clothing industry is absolutely horrific in their offering and design of men’s casual shorts. They don’t seem to understand that most of us don’t want to dress like we are driving to The Hamptons in daddy’s Mercedes. For some reason those seem to be the only designs available for casual shorts for men. Don’t even get me started on boardshorts.
Don’t believe us? Google “Men’s Summer Shorts”, you will likely get a whole page of images similar to these moscow mules marching toward their prep school cafeteria. Yikes, hide the stemware!
Now you’re thinking, “Yeah Rugged Male, but we don’t shop at Macy’s bro .. we buy our gear at surf shops”. Good strategy, no argument here. So you hop in your cool muscle car and head to the local surf shop. When you arrive, this is what you see from three of the biggest surf brands in the world.
What a selection. The evolution of design from Wally Cleaver is astounding. Are you seeing our point here? Someone is asleep at the wheel, (clearly!) when it comes to designing casual shorts for the rugged male. So once again we will give the starving man a fishing pole and show you how to make a cool pair of summer shorts.
It starts by understanding that no cool pair of shorts has a hem. Sorry. With that in mind, you can guess where we are going – yep, you need to make them yourself. The first step is to find a pair of cool cargo or painters pants. This is not easy because all the big box retailers have bastardized these pillars to the man’s wardrobe. Most of the cargo pants are tapered toward the knee these days giving them a real girly look. Go to a legit army navy store or sometimes there are vintage pairs on eBay. If you find a pair you like – get me two Johnny Utah.
Next you need to decide where you are going to cut them. While shorter men’s shorts are certainly coming back in style, they still look terrible. Your cut is going to be somewhere around your kneecap. Cut them an inch below the knee cap to be slightly different and give yourself a laid back socal surfer look, e.g., who cuts shorts below the knee … someone who doesn’t give a rats ass. It’s like punk rockers that have super long guitar straps.
Next you need to beat the hell out of them. If you live near the ocean, let them marinate in sea water for a couple days. Then let them bake in the sun for a couple more days. A good soak in bleach water in the bottom of your wash machine is also good. This also helps your cuts to fray giving you a cool vintage look.
Now you are ready to rock them all weekend, all summer. Also, pitch the skivvies, it’s a waste of a layer. Your phone, wallet, tobacco and anything else fits nicely in your new custom men’s shorts. The best part is that they are couture. Nobody else is rockin the same pair of summer shorts as you.
Thanks For Reading !!